Editing in Action: Digital Media

Introduction

In our last assignment, we had to edit pages from the Department of English's website. Doing this made me consider how much editing work would probably be in a digital form. For that reason, I decided to practice this by editing for my friend's professional website. The original and the edits are below. 

Original

During her senior year at FSU, Lily worked her way up the latter and served on the Union Productions Executive Board as the organization’s Operations Manager. In this position, she used her creative abilities and organization skills to develop procedures that will continue to improve interdepartmental communication for generations to come.
When she isn't busy in the Union, Lily exercised her technological skills in the position of Web Design Intern for B-EZ Graphix and by serving on the Executive Board for WISE (Women in IT/ICT Sharing Experiences) as the PR/Marketing Chair and Webmaster. Lily has been a long-time advocate for women and feminist ideals, and WISE is the all-female organization responsible for facilitating conversations with and about empowering women in a wide realm of professional careers.

Now an FSU graduate with a Bachelor’s of Science in Information Communication & Technology Lily is planning on relocating the Denver, CO to pursue  a career in which she can exercise her immense creativity and her technical and organization skills.

Edited

During her senior year at FSU, Lily worked her way up the ladder and served on the Union Productions Executive Board as the organization’s Operations Manager. In this position, she used her creative abilities and organizational skills to develop procedures that will continue to improve interdepartmental communication for generations to come. When she was not busy working in the Union, Lily exercised her technological skills in the position of Web Design Intern for B-EZ Graphix and by serving on the Executive Board for WISE (Women in IT/ICT Sharing Experiences) as the PR/Marketing Chair and Webmaster. Lily has been a long-time advocate for women and feminist ideals, and WISE is the all-female organization responsible for facilitating conversations with and about empowering women in a wide realm of professional careers. Now an FSU graduate with a Bachelor’s of Science in Information, Communication & Technology, Lily is planning on relocating the Denver, CO to pursue a career in which she can exercise her immense creativity and her technical and organizational skills.

Queries

-There were some changes in tense throughout that I edited for consistency. 

-Would you consider changing from the third person to first?

-Changed to organizational skills

-"Latter" to "ladder"

-Added commas to the last paragraph